it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
