Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize