do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
