i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
