Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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