I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
