well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
