do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
