Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
