I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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