$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Is Oprah even human
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
