i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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