Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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