I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
