i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
