You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
