theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
