I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
