Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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