What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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