he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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