At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
