White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
