I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
