Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
