dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
