the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
