Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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