Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
God gave him joint rollers for hands
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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