Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
