conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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