Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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