I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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