The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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