Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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