My hand turned me down
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
