My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
