I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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