2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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