I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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