Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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