No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
