i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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