Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
