when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
