I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
