Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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