Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize