It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
