We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize