guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
