sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
