you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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