dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
