Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
