How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
