what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
