the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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