I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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