U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
