is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
