I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
