I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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