Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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