He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
