I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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