Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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