You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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