Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
