I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
