You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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