Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize