Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize