what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
