One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
