Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Still dying that you shit outside
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
