So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize