Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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