oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
