So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
What happened to fro yo and sex?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
