i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
